I'm Just a Moron

I feel the need to explain. Day three didn't last long, but it wasn't due to a physical limitation. There was already a sense of doubt about how long both days were going to take and being gone from home on the final weekend before school returns to normal started to weigh on me. Also, Tyler's (my son's) birthday is today (Saturday) and I was going to miss out on most of the activities throughout the day. You must be thinking that I'm an idiot by now and wondering why I would even plan such an event. I mean, it's not like Tyler's birthday was a big surprise. It happens the same day every year.

When the plans were made, the kids were going to a friend of the family's for an overnight visit on Friday night until late Saturday afternoon. I thought my wife would be working both those days as well. While we were down in Portland for Christmas, plans changed and Jessica's parents said they were going to come up for Tyler's birthday, which now meant that Jessica was not going to work and the kids were going to be home. They also decided to take the kids to a movie for Tyler's birthday and dinner later that evening. I thought to myself, this is going to complicate the guilt factor, but Jessica is still fine with me going for the 4 in 4.

By the end of day 2 Jessica was pretty sick and let's just say that she wasn't all that happy with me, or the circumstances mostly, well, maybe me too. I went to bed early and woke up the next morning around 4:30 a.m. with it snowing outside, but otherwise feeling pretty good. I made it up to the mountain at 6 a.m. and we started shortly after.

The first loop went well. I felt good, the snow was a bit icy in places, but the conditions were tolerable. The problem was the amount of time it took, almost 2 1/2 hours for the first loop. I remained confident outside, but inside I was feeling a bit conflicted about being out here on the mountain while the rest of the family, including my sick wife was at home. Now, obviously I'm not going to bring up this fact in normal conversation while we're running, but it plays into the decision making process and if it didn't I probably wouldn't be married still.

The second loop was going fine. The climb up was a bit difficult, but as long as I went slow things were fine. I was basically with Eric and Jess most of the way. Sometimes a little ahead or a little behind, but basically in the same vincinity. Near the end of the 2nd loop I had a mini bonk and needed to refuel. This is when I made the decision to stop after two loops. It wasn't a decision based on physical limitations, but completely based on mental limitations. As a friend said, sometimes my eyes are bigger than my stomach. I decided that the time at home was more important than this quest that I didn't even really train for or have anything invested in other than my ego. I decided to forgoe day 4 altogether.

I realize that I could have avoided this whole situation by not attempting it in the first place, or keeping it to myself rather than broadcasting it to others, but I just don't think that way. I believe in the quote that says, better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all.

I like to tell my friends what I am up to because I know they will understand and allow me to fail at times without harsh criticism or judgement. This doesn't mean that I am not up for critique, certainly, by all means, critique away. There is a blessing in my current failure. It made me rethink about what I really want out of my running and this whole idea about running 28 marathons in 6 months. This may be a goal that there is no doubt that physically I can accomplish, but the sacrifice my family will have to make is too large and not worth the payoff at the end. For now, it's back to the drawing board. I do have other thoughts that I'll save for the next post. Thanks for listening!

“There are no failures - just experiences and your reactions to them.” Tom Krause